Love in a Time of Death
by NikkiEvans
Summary: Blaine Anderson has dealt with death a lot in his life. Sometimes he wonders if that's why he and Kurt were drawn to each other. They didn't see the light in each other, but instead they saw a sadness that they both understood. Warning: Deals with 4 deaths, including Finn's. Deals with miscarriage, suicide, and cancer (none of which are Finn's cause of death). None are graphic.


**Warning: Deals with 4 deaths in Blaine's life, including Finn's. Deals with miscarriage, suicide, and cancer (none of which are Finn's cause of death). None are particularly graphic. Message me if you need more details before reading.**

Blaine Anderson has dealt with death a lot in his life. Sometimes he wonders if that's why he and Kurt were drawn to each other. They didn't see the light in each other, but instead they saw a darkness that they both understood.

It's hard to describe loss. Their friends could always empathize, but it's an impossible thing to sympathize when they haven't experienced it. Yet with Kurt, they never had to explain anything about their feelings or experiences with death. When Kurt talked about his mom, his aunt or any of his grandparents, Blaine would just give his hand a squeeze, hoping that it help the pressure he knew Kurt felt in his chest.

When Blaine was four years old, he had to learn what death meant. He had some concept of it before. It happened to old people after their lives were over. So when his parents explained that his little sister wasn't coming after all, he was confused.

Blaine remembered not understanding what they meant. Death was for old people. How can she be done living life when she hadn't even made it out of his mom's belly yet? His parents explained that she hadn't been able to grow the way she should, and so she couldn't be born.

He remembered everyone in his house being very sad. He didn't quite understand why all of their family and friends kept visiting, but Blaine liked all the food they brought (except the casseroles. Those were always awful.).

Nothing was ever the same after that. That was around the time his father started taking more business trips and his mother started throwing herself back into work. She hadn't worked since Cooper had been born, but she went back to being a graphic designer for a company that made her travel a lot. Blaine got a nanny, Estella, who took on most of his mother's duties for the next seven years.

When Blaine was older, he Googled miscarriages once. He learned that they didn't really know why his mother miscarried. Generally, doctors don't investigate a first miscarriage to see what caused it. Then again, Blaine also didn't really know if that was her first miscarriage.

Blaine thought it was the not knowing that drove his parents to their weird married-but-barely-speaking relationship. There was nothing to blame. There was nothing they could have done. There was no warning. They had been planning so much, and so had Blaine. He wondered if she would dance with him and Cooper when she was old enough. He wondered if they could play with his action figures together because Cooper never wanted to.

Blaine still thought about it from time to time. It's hard not to remember when he sees a pregnant woman. He'll wonder what he would've been like as an older brother. Would they have been close? Would he have been the overprotective big brother? But usually he stops himself before he gets too far. He won't be a big brother.

* * *

Blaine was in eighth grade when he learned about depression. The health classes had a mandatory week devoted to it after Laney Smith killed herself.

Blaine honestly thought he was going to throw up in each class. He listened to kids mourn Laney who had never cared about her before. They were the ones who called her fat and pushed the books out of her hands. They were the ones who wouldn't let her sit with them at lunch and wrote mean things on Myspace wall.

Blaine didn't get it when his mom told him.

"Blaine, Laney's older sister just called. Sweetheart, she passed away last night."

Blaine nearly dropped the glass of milk he was carrying for his afternoon snack.

"That doesn't make sense. She's not sick. She just went to the doctor and he said that she isn't even overweight."

"Honey, Laney killed herself. She took all of her mother's sleeping pills."

Blaine was silent for a moment. "Can I take my snack to my room, please?"

"Of course."

Blaine locked his bedroom door and turned on his stereo before falling onto his bed.

Laney was his friend. They didn't really understand each other, but they hung out together. They had to be friends by default. Eventually, they ended up at the same empty lunch table (the one by the kitchen that smelled like corn) because no one else wanted to sit with them. It's certainly better to be friends with other losers than to be the loser without friends.

Blaine thought Laney had it better than him. She was called fat a lot, but actually, she was pretty average. She lost a bunch of baby fat in a growth spurt last year, and now she didn't look much different from the other kids. They just refused to change their minds about her because kids are stubborn like that. Once they put her in a place beneath them, it was impossible to climb back up to a respectable place.

Blaine thought that was better than everyone calling him gay. At the end of the day, it didn't matter how much he said it wasn't true. He knew it was true, and he knew that they would hate him even more if he admitted it. He figured he had it worse than Laney. She had to know she wasn't fat, right?

Maybe that didn't matter, Blaine thought. It sucked not having friends.

Blaine was one of the only kids at her funeral. Yet he sat in class watching all of these kids 'grieve' as if they loved her. Maybe they knew. He hoped they knew. They had to know that they were the ones who killed her.

* * *

Blaine's Aunt Tasha was the only death he'd ever been prepared for. Tasha, his mother's sister, had cancer, and as it turns out, cancer is a bitch.

Tasha was what Blaine's mother called "an ungrateful new age hippie who thinks it's cool to pretend her family is abhorrent."

Needless to say, Blaine adored her. She was quite a bit younger than Blaine's mom, but the women were still close, despite Mrs. Anderson's complaints. Blaine knew that Tasha wasn't exactly planned between his grandparents. She ended up being handed off to Blaine's mom all the time because she was old enough to babysit a toddler.

Blaine had just turned fifteen, entering what would be his first of two attempts at sophomore year (though he didn't know that yet). He talked to Tasha about everything, and it was easy with her living at the house. He'd distract her from her pain with his stories from school. Sometimes she'd have to take a break from talking to him because she couldn't breathe or the chemo was making her too sick. Blaine would just lay down with her if she wasn't well enough to talk.

After she was moved into hospice care, his dad let him take a car service whenever he wanted to visit her. He'd grown comfortable with Lima Memorial. He could deal with the overly clean scent and the hideous faded light blue shade of everything. He'd make himself comfortable in the chair next to Tasha's bed and talk to her for hours.

They'd talked about death before. Tasha made jokes about it that upset Blaine's mother. Sometimes she would talk about it seriously too. They hadn't really talked about what Blaine would do when she left until the very end though.

"Hey Blainers," Tasha said.

"Hi Aunt Tasha," Blaine said. "Feeling any less shitty today?" Blaine liked that he never got reprimanded for cursing around her.

Tasha gave a small smile before going into a coughing fit. Blaine rubbed her back, knowing it would pass after a little while. It takes a while, but she finally regained control.

"I've been wanting to talk to you, kid," she said.

"About what? Am I bothering you too much?" Blaine asked.

"No, of course not. I just wanted to talk about what will happen after I'm…my time's almost up, you know? I can feel it."

"Oh," Blaine said. It was such a lame response, but what does a person say to that?

"So we've got some stuff to cover. First thing, you're getting money when I go."

"What? Tasha, you don't have to-"

"Oh, I know I don't have to do anything. However, your parents don't need any money, and I'll be damned if my parents think they're getting that trustfund back. It's not a ton of money. After medical bills and funeral costs, you won't be rich so keep getting good grades. But it's enough, and it's yours.

"When I hit fifteen all I wanted to do was leave this town. I didn't belong here, you know? I wanted to be in New York so badly. You're getting the money now. I already cleared it with your mom. It's yours to do what you want with, but I want you to use it to get out when you're suffocating. You can save it and buy a fancy car next year. Or you can use it to take trips away when you need it. Just don't runaway, okay? It'll kill your mom, and speaking from experience, your guilt will haunt you for the rest of your life, even if you do come home a few days later."

Blaine nodded. "Okay."

"Also, my journals, they're spread out. My latest ones are here and at the house. A few are in the storage locker in New York. The important ones, though, are at your Grandma and Grandpa's house. They start when I'm fourteen. You read them when you think no one understands you, okay?"

Blaine nodded. "So your advice is never going to run out?"

Tasha smiled. "Not quite. You get to read about my mistakes as I made them. Try not to repeat some of them."

Blaine gave a small smile. "I'll try my best."

"And your best is always good enough. Remember that, Blainers. As long as you try, that's good enough. Don't ever do anything you don't need to if you don't want to. Dream big. You've got all the possibilities open for you right now. Don't close doors just because some people might not want you to open them."

"This is becoming a Friday Night Lights pregame talk."

"I can only deign to be Coach Taylor levels of inspirational." She smiled but it quickly faded. "I'm serious, though, Blaine. I'm 27 and I'm dying and I'm so pissed about it. I'm not supposed to be dead at 27. I should be gallivanting in Montreal with some French Canadian or something. But I'm here. You know what though? I don't have any regrets. I lived, Blaine. I travelled Europe. I was in an Off-Broadway show in New York. I skinny dipped in San Diego," Tasha smiled.

Blaine didn't know what to do. Should he be crying? Should he hug Tasha? Nothing felt right. He just wanted to curl up in his bed and go to sleep, forgetting all the trouble the waking world caused him.

"Okay," he said simply.

"I've one last thing. I don't want you to ever be ashamed of who you are. My friend James lives in Columbus. He's gay. If you need advice or you feel alone, I want you to call him."

Blaine sat up straight. He never said he was gay. He'd known for a while now, but he didn't think his family knew. "How-I never said anything."

"No, you never said anything about girls _ever_. I love you Blainers; I'll always love you. So will your mom," Tasha said, taking a hold of Blaine's hand.

"Does she know?" Blaine asked nervously. His aunt was super liberal, but the rest of his family wasn't quite so freely loving.

"No, but she's suspected since you were little. She's your mom. Moms just know stuff."

Blaine nodded.

"She'll still love you, Blaine. I know she comes off a lot like your cold hearted grandma, which scares me, but she's not. She'll love you no matter what, Blaine."

"Aunt Tasha…."

"What is it, kid? Say what you need to."

"I just…I still need you," Blaine said with tears in his eyes.

"Oh sweetheart, I know. But it is what it is. Nothing we can do anymore."

Between being shoved into lockers, being called a faggot and regularly being embarrassed in public, Blaine had already been relatively sure that the world wasn't fair. But it wasn't until he watched one of the strongest people in his life tell him there was nothing else she could do that he realized that the world sucked without a reason sometimes.

His mom came in his room the next morning to tell him that Aunt Tasha died. He asked if he could stay in bed today. He lay in bed all day, sleeping on and off. He didn't cry, and he wasn't quite sure why. He knew he was supposed to, but instead he just lay in bed, thinking over everything Tasha told him.

His mom slips into his room in the afternoon to bring him some food. She left the plate on his desk and climbed into bed to hold him. He couldn't remember the last time his mom just sat and held him.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm gay," Blaine said quietly.

Mrs. Anderson kissed his forehead. "I know, dear."

* * *

As it turns out, death is something you're never prepared for. Blaine has had warning and he has had sudden deaths, and he realized it doesn't matter. The hole in your heart is still there. It's only at first that it matters. Because warning is like the hole is dug slowly and you aren't all that surprised as it gets deeper. Sudden deaths are like a jackhammer. Suddenly you have a massive hole that you weren't anticipating.

The night of Mr. Schuester's wedding had gone well until Blaine tried to propose. Kurt said he couldn't. He said he wasn't ready. Blaine understood but it still stung on Monday morning when he hadn't heard form Kurt at all over the weekend.

He walked into fifth period a little depressed. "You okay?" Tina asked as she sat next to him.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. I just wish I could fix things. Kurt hasn't texted me back all weekend."

"Blaine, you're eighteen years old. You'll fix things with Kurt, okay? Marriage probably isn't the way to do it. That's how you end up angry and repressed."

Blaine nodded. "You're right, but I can still wallow, right?"

Tina sighed. "I'll give you twenty four hours more, but that's it."

The loudspeaker screeched as Principal Figgins came on. "Attention students. All Glee club members are to report to the choir room immediately."

Blaine and Tina gathered their books. "Do you know what's up?" Blaine asked.

"Maybe it's a celebration for winning on Friday night?" Tina suggested. "It's never happened before, but I wouldn't turn it down."

Mr. Schuester, Coach Bieste, Miss Pillsbury (Blaine realized she was Mrs. Schue now), and Coach Sylvester were all in the choir room. All of them looked concerned. Blaine knew that look. This wasn't good news.

"What's up, Mr. Schue?" Artie asked as he wheeled in behind Blaine and Tina.

"We need to wait for everyone to get here," Mr. Schue said quietly.

"Why? Are we disqualified again?" Marley asked.

"No, it's…it's not…" Will trailed off.

"It's not about Glee," Coach Sylvester said.

Blaine knew it was bad. He didn't know how bad, but he knew that it was far from good.

Joe and Sugar came in and that marked the whole glee club there, even Rider, despite quitting Friday night.

"Guys, we have some really sad news," Coach Beiste said, tears in her eyes.

Will took a deep breath. "Emma and I got a phone call this morning from Noah Puckerman…F- Finn Hudson…"

Coach Sylvester stepped in gently, speaking in a soft tone that not many members of New Directions had heard. "Unfortunately, Finn Hudson passed away over the weekend in his dorm."

Blaine heard a few gasps, felt Tina's hand squeeze around his, and heard a few members break into tears immediately.

"What? Why would—how is that even possible?" Kitty asked.

"They don't know. It looks like it was in his sleep. They think it was prob-probably a brain aneurysm," Emma said, struggling to keep herself together.

"Guys, I think what we should do now is come together and comfort each other. Maybe talk about our favorite memories of Finn," Will said.

"You've all been excused from classes for today," Coach Sylvester said. "The funeral is being held Thursday. We'll have more details tomorrow."

There was no response. Maybe a few people nodded, but Blaine only looked at the floor. Finn was their leader in Glee club. He was their friend. He was Rachel's true love. He was Kurt's brother. Blaine stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder.

"Blaine?" Will asked. Blaine kept walking towards the door, but Will caught up to him and blocked the door. "Blaine, I really think you need to stay here."

"No, I don't," Blaine said quietly.

"Blaine, being with people will help—"

"Don't tell me how to grieve, Mr. Schue. I can't stay here. I have to go. Either you move or I move you," Blaine glared.

Will raised his eyebrows and stepped aside, mostly out of shock. Blaine would later wonder if everyone thought he was insane, threatening a teacher. In that moment, though, he didn't care.

He got to his car and turned on the radio. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, just focusing on music and processing information. Blaine couldn't be around the Glee club right now. He'd have to comfort them and he couldn't do that right now. He could barely process it. He'd last seen Finn…when? A couple weeks ago? Yeah, probably. They definitely played Call of Duty last week over the internet.

It was probably even longer for Kurt.

Blaine finally moved turned on the engine and went to the grocery store, picking up things he thought Kurt's family might need.

He knocked on the door of Kurt's house and Burt answered. Blaine noticed his puffy eyes and sweatpants.

"Hey Anderson," Burt said, embracing Blaine in a hug, despite his arms filled with grocery bags.

"Hi Burt. I, um, I'm sorry."

Burt let go of Blaine and shook his head. "Come on in."

"I bought groceries. I thought you guys might need food and at the very least Kurt might want to make something, so…"

"Thanks, Blaine. He's um, he's being a bit…well, he's Kurt."

It shouldn't have made sense, but Blaine knew what he meant. "Yeah, I thought he might be."

"He's in the kitchen making lists and phone calls. I'll be upstairs with Carole if you need anything."

"Thanks. Can I go up to give her my condolences?"

Burt sighed. "She's not seeing anyone at the moment. I'll tell her you said hi."

Blaine couldn't imagine what Carole was like, and he tried not to. He wandered into the kitchen to find Kurt sitting at the counter scribbling on a notepad.

"Hey," Blaine said.

Kurt looked up and his eyes widened. "I didn't call you. I should've called you. Damn it."

"Hey, no, no." Blaine put his groceries on the table and hugged Kurt. "You're taking care of stuff here. Don't worry about me, okay?"

"I had a list from my dad and Carole of people to call and I didn't think to call any of my friends. I made Puck do it. I just didn't think—"

"It's fine. Mr. Schue told us."

"He was on the list."

Blaine let go of Kurt. "Did someone call Rachel?"

"Puck. After it happened. She isn't taking any calls or anything. Santana said she's sitting shiva. Oh, Santana. I told Santana."

"See? You didn't forget about your friends."

"Yeah, I really can't hang out right now, Blaine. I have a lot to do. God, I never texted you back. You probably think I hate you—"

Blaine squeezed Kurt's shoulder. "Kurt, breathe. I know you don't hate me. Nothing that happened this weekend is even on my mind. Right now I'm worried about you."

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I've planned weddings in this time span before. It's fine. I've had to do this before. Finn didn't leave a plan and Carole's basically catatonic so I don't even have to run decisions by anyone."

Blaine sat down at the table. "So you're planning everything?"

"Yeah, Carole is basically just a puddle of tears, which I get, but she's useless to me. My dad is busy trying to make sure she's okay and get in touch with her side of the family. He's not really okay either, but he's functional. Puck is just a wreck. He wouldn't leave yesterday, so I made him be my lackey. He ran a bunch of errands for me. I'm fine, though. I've got a handle on this."

Blaine wanted to point out to Kurt that he wasn't fine at all. He was planning instead of processing. He knew what Kurt looked like when he was okay, and this wasn't it. This wasn't the time, though. "Okay. So what can I do to help?"

"Well I'm working off a check list," Kurt said.

Blaine accomplished a lot of the check list, but it took time. So many arrangements had to be made. He'd managed to secure transportation for the Hummels to and from the funeral. He'd decided who the pallbearers would be (though he did ask Kurt to approve the final list). He needed to make those calls tomorrow though. He didn't want to overwhelm their friends right now.

People were calling all the time to check on the family. Blaine became the designated answerer of the door and landline phone. He would politely turn people away, telling them that the Hummels appreciated their privacy at this time and thanking them for their casserole. He let Kurt take his time designing flower arrangements and outfit ideas that would never be realistic. He knew that it was keeping his mind off of Finn, and maybe that was what he needed for the moment.

Blaine let him continue adding things to Pinterest boards that he knows Kurt will never use, due to both time and money constraints.

"I'm going to make dinner, okay?" Blaine said.

Kurt nodded. "Thanks."

Blaine made a simple pasta dish, and Kurt eventually had to come over and look over his shoulder. "You've never cooked for me before," Kurt said softly.

"That's because I can only make pasta and sandwiches. I can also microwave a Hot Pocket to perfection."

"I'm not letting you eat Hot Pockets when we live together," Kurt said as he rested his chin on Blaine's shoulder. "I will feed you healthy food."

"You're supposed to live off of ramen and pop tarts in college."

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist. "Nope, your dance classes will keep your diet pretty strict. Then at the end of the semester we'll pig out on cheesecake. I learned how to make it last semester. It's pretty fantastic. The key is using chocolate graham crackers in the crust."

"I still haven't gotten my acceptance letters," Blaine said.

"Didn't stop me from going to New York. Don't you want to do this every night?"

He did. Blaine felt Kurt's body heat behind him and slightly leaned back into his touch. With Kurt, everything felt okay. His world didn't feel quite so thrown. Blaine really wanted this more than anything.

"You know I want this," Blaine said.

Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaine's cheek and rested his forehead against Blaine's temple. He whispered, "I want to marry you, Blaine Anderson."

Blaine froze. He knew he should lift him into his arms and start thanking the heavens or something, but he couldn't. Kurt said no on Friday night. Why would that change?

"We'll talk about it later. After all of this, okay? Can you get me a colander?"

Kurt kissed the back of Blaine's neck (and god, Blaine missed the way he always did that when he was sleepy) and went to pull out the colander.

Burt came down for food while they were in the middle of eating. He just took a couple bowls up to his bedroom. After dinner was the hard part, though.

"So your check list can't really be finished until tomorrow since business hours are over," Blaine said.

Kurt raised his eyebrows. "Oh, you can still stay though. I mean, if you want to, you can. I don't want you to go home to an empty house. Unless you want to—"

"Kurt," Blaine interrupted, "I was planning to stay. I was actually wondering if maybe I could borrow some pajamas and stay the night."

Kurt nodded.

Blaine got changed into some pajamas, and rejoined Kurt in the living room. There was nothing else they could do today. Businesses were closed; people had stopped calling for the day.

"We could watch a movie," Blaine suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Musical?"

"No, not a musical."

"Okay, rom-com?"

"Yeah. Let's go up to my room and watch it in bed."

Kurt and Blaine crawled under the covers after putting in the Bring It On DVD. They laid back, close together but not actually touching.

"Y'know, I was a cheerleader for about five minutes my sophomore year," Kurt said.

"We could've been cheerleaders together. That would've been fun."

They continue like that through the whole movie. They talked for short periods of time about nothing important. Neither of them could really focus on the movie, but they didn't want to talk about Finn.

Blaine knew that they dealt with death in opposite ways, but neither involved talking about it. Kurt was extra proactive in helping and planning while Blaine liked to crawl into bed and pretend the world didn't exist.

"I wonder how long 'Hey Mickey' will be stuck in our heads now," Blaine asked as the end credits began.

"Oh, at least a week," Kurt smiled. "Think it's too early to go to sleep?"

"Not at all, if that's what you want. You want me to sleep on the couch?"

"No, I really don't," Kurt said as he shifted his position from sitting up to lying down.

"Okay."

Blaine laid down on his side so he and Kurt were facing each other. "I miss you," Kurt said.

"Me too. But sleep now, okay? Sleep makes everything hurt a little less."

Kurt nodded and shut his eyes and Blaine followed suit, quickly drifting into a dreamless sleep.

He woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Kurt's hiccups. Despite Kurt's back facing him, Blaine could see the staggered way Kurt was breathing, attempting to get air as he cried. Blaine shifted closer to him, spooning him. They didn't speak. Blaine just held Kurt while he cried himself back to sleep.

Blaine woke up to an empty bed, so he wandered downstairs to find Kurt already making pancakes. Blaine sees the platter with a stack of pancakes already.

"Kurt, it's 7 am."

"Well good morning to you too, sleepyhead," Kurt smiled as he grabbed more eggs out of the fridge.

"Who are you making all of this for?" Blaine asked.

"Us and my parents. A big breakfast is a good way to start the day."

Blaine took another look at the platter that held about 30 pancakes already. "Kurt," Blaine gently pulled Kurt's hands off of the bowl and spatula, "you've made enough for us." Blaine kissed his forehead.

Kurt let Blaine set aside his baking utensils. "There's coffee in the pot."

"Thank you." Blaine poured himself a mug and leaned against the counter to observe Kurt. He was already cleaning up the kitchen. Blaine realized their differences in grieving. Blaine stopped everything and crawled into bed, while Kurt tried to hold himself together and do everything. He was cooking and planning. It still wasn't enough though. Blaine knew that the cooking and cleaning he was watching was happening because businesses weren't open yet. He couldn't finish planning the funeral.

"So I was thinking about a winter wedding," Kurt said as he put some dishes in the dishwasher.

"What?" Blaine asked.

"Winter wedding. I mean, we can't do it right away because that would be tacky. But right after New Year's? That would be acceptable."

"Kurt, put down the dishes."

"I mean, it was just an idea. You can have some veto power about logistics," Kurt smirked as he closed the dishwasher.

Blaine put down his coffee and gestured for Kurt to come closer. He put his hands on Kurt's hips. "Why do you want to get married now?"

"Because I love you and that's all that matters, right? That's what you said."

"I did. But you said that marriage wouldn't fix our problems, and I think you were right."

"Blaine, we're getting married. We _have_ to get married."

Blaine pushed Kurt's bangs off of his face and tried to speak as softly and gently as he could. "Why, Kurt? Why do we have to get married?"

"I need you, Blaine."

"I need you too—"

"No, I need you. I need you to be my family." Kurt's eyes filled with tears. "I keep on losing my family. I lost my mom and my aunt, and I thought that I was finally getting more family, but Finn's gone now, too. What happens if my dad dies? I need a family, Blaine." Blaine wrapped Kurt in his arms. "I need you to be my family," he sobbed.

"Kurt, I will always be your family, okay?" Blaine said. He pulled away to look at Kurt's tear stained face, but kept his arms around him. "We are family. I'm always going to care about you. Nothing is going to change that."

Kurt sniffed. "I just, I don't know. I guess I just feel like I need something permanent."

"A piece of paper isn't going to make us any more family than we already are," Blaine said. "This right here: us together and loving each other and taking care of each other. This makes us family, okay? That's why I'm your family. That's why every person in New Directions is family. We care about each other. We take care of each other. You and me, though? Nothing is ever going to make me stop caring about you, Kurt. Rings and a piece of paper don't affect that. They just prove it to other people."

Kurt hugged Blaine again. "I love you."

"I love you too. So much. You'll never be alone, Kurt, okay? I'll make sure of it."

Kurt kissed Blaine, just a chaste press of the lips. "You always stop being crazy the second I start losing it."

Blaine smiled. "That's what soulmates do."

"Thought you just turned me down?"

"Oh no. Getting married now isn't going to happen. But in the future? We're getting married. Because we're family, and eventually, I want to prove it to everyone. Just not right now. Is that okay?"

Kurt wiped a couple tears off his face. "Okay. Thank you for, I don't know. Just yesterday and today. Everything you've been doing is really helpful. You're not like everyone else when you try to take care of me, you know? You never try to have me committed to the psych ward."

Blaine kissed his forehead again. "I'm telling you, it because we're soulmates."

"You should go to school today, though."

Blaine sighed. "I know. You're so much easier to take care of than them, though."

Neither of them had to talk about Finn because they both knew. They understood loss, or at least they accepted it easily. It wasn't foreign to them. The feeling of emptiness and sadness was familiar. It came every so often, and they had come to accept it. They knew that even once they had a medical cause of death, the lingering philosophical 'why?' would never really leave, but then, they'd both lived with a number of unanswered 'why?' questions before. It didn't eat at them anymore. Blaine supposed that this wasn't the case for a lot of people. Maybe some people always went through the denial phase.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah?"

"Is it twisted if I think part of the reason we're good together is because we've experienced so many awful things?"

"No." Blaine kissed his forehead. "Not at all."

Blaine held Kurt in his arms a while longer before going to school to console their friends.

A/N: Sooooo yeah, I don't know. This didn't turn out the way I planned, and became much more Klaine-centric than I had originally intended. I was really just trying to capture that horrible first night after a death where you kind of can't do anything. But hopefully some of you enjoyed it?


End file.
